The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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