I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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