I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
