Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
