I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
