She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize