I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
