Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
