when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
