She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
