You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
its liver damage thursday
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
