I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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