Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
