my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
