I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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