but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
