I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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