sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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