PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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