Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
