hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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