Don't make out with my wife yet
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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