he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
