My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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