youre lurking in front of me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize