i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
