you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
