He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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