The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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