Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
