I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
