I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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