Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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