Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
