I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
