I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
