took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
