i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
