Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize