the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
