well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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