one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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