I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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