every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Randomize
