I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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