I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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