He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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