I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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