Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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