In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
