Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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