Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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