I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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