i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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