I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I love having hate sex.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
