like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
