you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
