After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
