AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
