So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
