is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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