There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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