I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
