So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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