Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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