If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
