I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Houston, we have a squirter
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
