I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize