I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize