I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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