Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
