thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
